To make a long story shorter, I’ll do this in bullet point form. We are gonna see April soon, and my last post was in January.. and a lot of things happened between then and now.
- My mom passed away in mid-February. I considered writing a post about her but my worries were many; anything I wrote then would have been too little, or too much, and then I went through a period I didn’t want to think about it, and then I also went through a period where her death was all I thought about. There was no point writing about the memories. I am in general not a sad person, nor an extremely cheerful one.. stoic maybe, troubled maybe, but sad and/or pathetic aren’t words I’d use to describe myself. It has been quite difficult to adjust especially when many rituals are gone: an example is in the mornings before leaving the house for work, I’d be in my underwear looking for clothes to wear while having entire conversations with her. This would go on for about 40 minutes before I finally kissed her goodbye and said things like ‘I will miss you’ or we’d go back and forth with I love yous. So the first day back at work was tough. I remember just sitting there staring at my computer the whole morning trying to process. It has been getting better lately, but I still have moments where I would curl into a fetal position and just cry. These moments are unexpected and sometimes triggered by something totally random.
- Leading up to my mom’s death I was a mess. John was very supportive, so was Su. There were a lot of moments that frustrated me. I had a relative try taking photos of my mom with tubes all over her body. I of course spoke up and told her I’d prefer if she didn’t post anything on social media. I don’t normally give a fuck what people post on Facebook, there’s always an unfollow button and no hard feelings, but this was my mother. I’d never do this to anyone’s mother or for that matter, anyone. Apparently speaking up was not a positive thing to do because the culprit (haha) did not attend my mom’s funeral. If she needed content to boost likes or engagement on her Facebook I’d gladly share ideas. I also didn’t care if she didn’t attend the funeral. I would however prefer if my mom dying weren’t the subject of someone’s Facebook post.
- I also had people who tried to demonstrate they understood my culture, but there is a difference between cultural awareness and cultural sensitivity. I don’t really care if you know certain things about my culture, because half the time I don’t even know about them.. or practise.
- A colleague of mine lent me two books to read. They’re on business and motivation. I have really short attention span these days, and getting motivated is the least of my concerns, so maybe I should have mentioned it’d be a while before the books made their way back to his hands. Reading diet really unhealthy these days, so I try to compensate by reading articles on the www.
- Told John a while ago about how-to books that I read. Usually I know the ‘what’ of things. Books usually explain the ‘what’ clearly. But most fail at the ‘how’, which is quite funny (crinkle nose) because that’s kinda the whole point I bought the books in the first place.
- My brother and I are working on writing a book together as a tribute to our mom. Lately I’ve been busy at work, so this is the weekend leading up to Easter so I have an extra off day and plenty of time to work out the first steps to actually writing the book, but all I’ve done so far is eat. I have a book on my lap now but I am not sure if I’d doze off in a couple of minutes. 🌝
That’s all for today. Thanks for reading, whoever you are. ❤️