Why I Don’t Like Hanging Out with People Now

I have to go get ready in just a bit so I thought I’d blog something before scooting off. Barely five minutes ago I was on the crapper and my mind wandered to a thought of this person I used to know and talk to all the time and she had since moved to Europe.

I grew up in a Malay household (I have to add ‘very Muslim’; I went for religious classes almost every day: 3 or 4 days were for Quran recitation and 1 was for learning the Islamic principles). I wouldn’t say I was or am religious but my parents made me go for all those classes. I enjoyed them.

I went to a local primary school, which had about 50 other Malay kids in my grade, and I was friends with maybe 3 girls. One of the girls’ parents and I still bump into one another from time to time, and we always exchange pleasantries and news. The rest of the Malay students I never really cared for and I could safely say they saw me as ‘weird’ or ‘quirky’.

Somewhere around May 2013, the Malay classmates from primary school had a reunion of sorts
(but it wasn’t a single event), and being naturally curious I turned up to all those gatherings. They had like 3 or 4 of those. I attended all.

I am sometimes easygoing. Easygoing meaning I don’t rant about work (which I think about, and am at, all the time) and I don’t think about whether I would be uncomfortable being seen hanging out with particular people (uneducated, Malay speaking, crass jokes sorta people).

Anyway to cut an unimportant story shorter, through my interactions with them I didn’t feel at ease because everyone was always talking about another person/other people behind their backs. We had a WhatsApp chat group with thousands of texts going back and forth each day. I can’t remember the topics because I would participate only when I was available, and sometimes I could not really follow. And I’m a smart person if I could say so myself.

Some of the things I didn’t like about people:

The One-Upper

That sort of person who would one-up anyone. If you had to care for a sick cat, they had 2 sick cats plus an old hamster somewhere to care for. If you broke up with your boyfriend and were feeling a bit upset, you’d never understand the one time they were a passenger in their boyfriend’s car around Singapore, got kicked out of the vehicle, got dumped, and then ended up in jail the entire weekend. You have $20,000 debt, they have $50,000 debt. Their stories might not ┬ánecessarily be true or even realistic, but trust them, they have had it worse.

The Screen-Shotters

I do this a lot with my friends. I see something I don’t like, or find hilarious and take a screenshot and then send to a friend and then we laugh at how mean we are. However, I don’t think I’ve ever taken a screenshot of what someone else has said about someone and then purposely sent it to the let’s say.. a victim.. (the person being talked about). It happened a lot and there were times I reacted negatively, and got all gangsta and “call me call me i’ll show you something to talk and screenshot about!!”. I have moved past this stage I don’t generally care about these things anymore and I refuse to join any group chats. Unless they’re about exercise or we’re related by blood.

Appearing Interesting or Successful

I have a friend who is currently experiencing some form of quarter-life crisis, and he is experiencing it in his early 30s. I experienced this crisis around the time I turned 19, and from ages 19 to 24 I went back and forth thinking about offing myself. These kinds of reunions aren’t good for certain people, because we blossom at different stages in life. In 2013 I was gonna turn 26, and I had not achieved any success in my professional nor personal life. I had nothing to show those people I went to school with 20 years ago. Because I am generally a straightforward person I didn’t really bother putting up appearances. If we were gonna walk to the coffee shop for Indian I would be in my jammies and tousled hair. I’d wear shorts to smoke with them. I generally didn’t talk about money. And then the people who kept up appearances ended up looking like frauds because people are mean. They will pull you off layer by layer and see you for who you are. Not because they care and want to know or understand your core, but because they have nothing better to do with their time, so they will mess with your life.

It was exhausting. But this is the Malay life.

I got sick of the whole charade, got out of the group chat, went back in a few days, got back out, deleted some people, and moved on by being wise about selecting who I would want to associate with. The Malayness of it all creeped me out, but I learnt some important lessons and chief of those is to not hang out with people I don’t like. Hehehe.

OK vamos baby I have to go.

Pearls of Wisdom (Kata-Kata Mutiara)

Even though I may come across as an idiot at times, there are other times I give sage advice to my friends. Times I call ‘Moments of Epiphany’ and ‘Non-idiot’.

Recently, a person I would call a friend was facing challenges at work. One of the chief complaints was the fact that his superior at work completely messed up his work review and bluntly admitted that the review was not submitted to Human Resources on time. The review was critical in determining his merit increment.

I hold the opinion that three things wentwrong here:

1) Superior did not submit documents by stipulated timeframe (this itself was whatthefuck)

2) Human Resources did not follow up with superior in question (another what the fuck)

3) My friend waited too long to raise the issue (a minor what the fuck)

I encouraged my friend to ask his superior first before moving on to talk to Human Resources. Give the superior an opportunity to right the wrong. After a few weeks of evading my friend’s questions, on top of the four months since the review, the superior finally submitted.

As a result my friend was disappointed. His mood changed. He started to question himself, his professional capability, and his self-worth. He felt angry. He felt cheated on.

“But I did everything he asked me to,” he said, with a mix of sadness and anger.

“Even if you were vegetarian that doesn’t mean you would not be mauled/murdered by a bull,” I coolly replied while wincing.

“Are we doing quotes of the day?”

“Just saying”

He then became unmotivated at work. He did not want to lunch with anyone, and wanted to use his lunch time to lick wounds. He would leave his desk the moment the clock struck 6pm.

Occasionally I check in with him out of concern.

“Still eating by yourself?”

“I need me time,” he texted back.

“Okay. You know what they say. In the company of other people, take care of your tongue. When you are by yourself, take care of your thoughts”

“Are we still doing QOTDs?” he replied with an emoji.

“Just concerned”

I have been working since I was 19. My first supervisor at work was an asshole, and I was too inexperienced then to come out of a bad situation unscathed. I still remember I always wished he would die on the way to work. He is still alive. But the world would not miss him. :p

I just hope with encouragement from his loved ones, my friend would rise above this bad work situation and come out stronger, more professional, and wise.

Things I Hear (and see) At Work

I have worked in the education sector for close to six years now. When I was 19, I worked in the government sector. I was fired three years after that.

I did something else for close to ten months and then I got a job in a polytechnic. Gig lasted almost 3 years, and then I worked in another school for 6 months. The second gig was not fun. Then I was jobless for another 6 months, and then I got a job at my current workplace. Love it. Stressful? Sometimes. Fun? Yes.

Shit I Heard/See

There are many schools in Singapore. I work in post-secondary schools so you would think people would be clever-er. They are not! (spoiler alert)

  • The One With JPEG

In one of my gigs my job was to ensure that course notes were printed and delivered on time. There was a short course on how to fix the a/c and this old guy (the instructor) came to give me his notes. Around 200 pages of JPEG images. He saved his ENTIRE course notes in jpeg format. Who. The. Fuck. Does. That?! My computer would not allow me to print in sequence with a click of a button so I had to sit there for at least 30 minutes to print all. This was worse than the time I chastised someone for printing ONE PPT SLIDE per page. 297 pages. What a waste of paper! You need almost 150 sheets of paper!

  • The One With Competitors

I had a colleague with three school-going children. She was very Malay, and when I say this I don't mean the good Malay. I mean the kind of Malay you are glad you see only sometimes. I was telling her over breakfast that my brother went to NTU, but he went to an art school before that and her face drew a blank. "NAFA?" I said. "Private art school," I explained. I mean come on. LASALLE was and still is probably the most popular, and then you have the Chinese school NAFA! How could you not know when you work in that sector? My mom of course knows. She paid for it! Anyway makcik bodoh la.

  • The One Without The Slide

I had this superior once who was quite annoying. I don't know whether it was age, or it's just him, but he invited an agency over to do business with us. I was not invited to this particular meeting but at the last minute he made me attend. So agency gave the briefing for the school (my workplace) to take over this portion, and I sat through the meeting in my pjyama pants and flip flops. Deputy Director was ready to say yes. So I said "Where are your slides on the numbers?" "Oh we didn't prepare that" Me: "Well I need to see them. I need to know how much money I can expect to make a year" "Oh. Okay. We don't have that slide" "Why not make that slide and come back and present it? So I can see whether it makes sense?" "Oh okay"

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!

This was the same boss who said my bringing in the business would be parked under Business Development. I signed a company for SGD 20,000 per course for 8 students and they were doing it four times and I did the business over email… no phone calls.. no handshake necessary, just three-liner emails and quick fire response.

I still hate that boss. He is a nice person but at work he was rubbish.

  • The One With The Barking

I'd like to think I am a reasonable person. I do not get upset when I receive emails from angry students or mothers, and what I do is defuse the situation. I usually do this with emotion out of the way. Then after work I'd just bitch about it to my loved ones.

One time a student wrote in CAPS: "[My name] DO YOU WANT ME TO BARK LIKE A DOG! (plus expletives) So customer service sent the email to me and cc-ed my AVP and SVP to deal with it.

I didn't respond to the student directly but shot customer service, my AVP, the SVP, and my supervisor an email about 1) getting Planning (the fellas in charge of timetables) to explain the frequent change in schedules (which was the crux of the issue) and 2) coming forward to support staff (i.e. me) when they face abuse from students. Everyone scrambled to apologise to me and made Planning deal with student. I no longer received any emails from customer service.

I also have terrible stories about front desk and customer service in general but I am tired now I want to watch Bojack.

Things That Make Me Miss New York

I Netflix a lot for someone who is busy. Currently I watch Shooter. I don't think it has an excellent rating but I like shows with guns.

Other shows I like include: The Blacklist, Suits, Elementary (the first three seasons), The Good Wife, comedy specials such as Trevor Noah's Afraid of the Dark, John Mulaney The Comeback Kid (I also enjoyed New In Town), Sarah Silverman's A Speck of Dust.

I watched BoJack Horseman earlier this week and I saw:

See painting behind the female character (Diane Nyugen). Isn't that… a.. Matisse?

Shown in Museum of Modern Art in Manhattan.

And then a couple of months ago I watched The Blacklist.

Tom Keen in a laundromat. The same one I went to the Sunday I flew back to Singapore. I spent almost 2 hours doing laundry because I didn't want my mom to have to wash 10 days worth of clothes.

I miss New York! ­čśŽ

I am Old

People always say things like “you are only as old as you think/feel/dress“. I am old. I’ll get over it but I am old.

How I know I am old? Well I don’t have grey pubic hair (that’s a blog post for when I am 40) but there were and are some signs:

  • Feeling lethargic all the time

In my early twenties I went out after work all the time. I’d be hanging out someplace (Tanjong Pagar was my favourite) shooting the breeze with a friend/friends. I’d get home at 11pm sometimes 1am and then sleep and get up for work. Sometimes when I was lazy I’d just text my supervisor to take a sickie.

If you asked me to go out after work now any one of these things must happen or must have happened: 1) somebody is sick at the hospital, 2) somebody died, 3) it is a simple dinner and we will be done by 8pm, 4) if we are not done by 8, it’d better be a Friday! 5) hot guy but it’d better be Friday! 6) a play I am dying to watch

Plus! If I went home at midnight Mondays through Thursdays I would either have to call in sick or dead the next day.

  • Not fazed by things

I had a prolonged adolescence so a lot of things bothered me. I did things in my teens and most of my twenties I wouldn’t do now such as 1) delete people off Facebook, 2) banter with people on Facebook over some stupid thing, 3) get upset by Facebook comments, 4) everything Facebook basically.

Now I don’t hang out with people I don’t like. I don’t text them back. I might not even have their number. I don’t follow them on Instagram. I don’t care if they are on my Facebook. I don’t care if they delete me. I don’t care if they throw shade at me and somebody else takes a screenshot to show me. I don’t care if somebody has a problem with somebody else at work unless it directly affects work.. I don’t care if they leave stupid comments on my posts. Sometimes I shoot a witty line when I bother. But most days I don’t.

  • Body parts I didn’t know existed hurt

Plus. I now have a good knee and a not-so good knee. Need to take probiotics. Stomach gets upset when I want to be adventurous with food. Sweet things are no longer nice. I hate having dinner. The dentist is suddenly terrifying. Trips to the doctor are not exciting when I get two days MC. I have two days MC? Fuck I’ll just take the meds and maybe one day rest. When I rest I really rest. I switch off my phone. Because headache! I also now have a gynae. I want to change gynae. I haven’t booked appointment. The receptionist at work always asks if it’s time to dial 995 when I complain of abdomen pain. And hand sanitizer. Where has that hand been!

  • Later is my favourite word (I lazy to bold this)

I mean okay. All procrastinators like this word. But HEY. I have two days off on weekends right. Maybe I’ll go to the museum. But I have to shower and wear clothes. Lazy! I bought sandpaper to sand my canvas for painting. I’ll do it later. Want to try the Philips Air Fryer. Still in shrink wrap. Lazy! Later need to wash so many things. Want to reinvent myself and be cool. How old was Madonna when she reinvented herself. Later I will google……. I like you and would love to hang out with you. Can we set a date for 2028? When I finally get my ass off the couch?

I am old, whiney, and lazy.

Things I Thought About Today

Random, couch toughts on Sunday:

  • Does a drug like NZT (on that movie Limitless) really exist?
  • Why do Malay people like to give birth so much?
  • When women or, wives, of men who constantly cheat on them write sweet, convincing things on Facebook do I feel sorry for the women, or the men? Or that this is just part and parcel of life so feeling sorry for anyone is unnecessary?
  • Are we allowed to beat children (of guests) who touch things in our home? (Nothing to do with me; I haven’t had random children in my home in years)
  • Lee Hsien Yang and Lee Hsien Loong! Who is the baddie?
  • When the Singapore government say we are short of babies, do they only mean Chinese babies?
  • Why is my cat always naughty?
  • Why am I always naughty?
  • Why is it so hard to feel motivated to date?
  • Are Indonesian women (born and raised) more marry-able than Singaporean Malay women?
  • Is Rihanna’s Love On The Brain difficult to sing at karaoke?

What a busy day I had. 

Stories From My Childhood

I had a terribly long week. I love my job (as you can see on Facebook; it’s all I ever talk about) but sometimes gahhhh.

I am feeling a little nostalgic while I am taking a dump so maybe I will tell you a few stories from my childhood. They’re not too interesting but maybe you would enjoy them.

Pendek Kata

In Malay,┬ápendek kata┬ámeans ‘in short’ but separately,┬ápendek means short, and kata could mean word or say. There was this advert that went on on the Malay channel with some VJ (video jockey) saying ‘pendek kata bla bla bla’. My Malay was Band 1 (which means it is, I mean was,┬ágood) but I was confused and turned to my sister and asked “Who is Pendek??”

Teletubbies Craze

The year I turned 11 there was the teletubbies craze. I wanted a Teletubby, specifically Po, and specifically made by Fisher Price. I cried twice because my mom refused to buy me one, and then my dad refused to buy me one, but then he got me a Yamaha keyboard so I would shut up. I played the keyboard for as long as I could but changing batteries was a bitch. It needed at least 6, IIRC.

Getting a permanent

Not record. Perm as in permed hair. My aunt and mom got together like keratin scientists and permed my hair when I was a toddler:

and my mom did it again when I was 5 or 6.

That is a picture of me and my aunt at my old house. My mom liked me so much when I was this age because of my fake curls and tubby tummy. My mom is insane I am so glad she no longer makes decisions about my hair. Or wardrobe.

Abuse in Primary School

I used to sit beside this fat Chinese boy in Primary 3, and we used to talk a lot during Maths class. One day the teacher, who was my 11th floor neighbour, got sick of our shit, came up to us while I was talking and hit our palms with a longass wooden ruler. I was shocked, then immediately shut up for the rest of the day. I told my mom who told me ok next time don’t talk!

I miss the 90s. You can’t say bad things about, or beat kids these days.