People always say things like “you are only as old as you think/feel/dress“. I am old. I’ll get over it but I am old.
How I know I am old? Well I don’t have grey pubic hair (that’s a blog post for when I am 40) but there were and are some signs:
- Feeling lethargic all the time
In my early twenties I went out after work all the time. I’d be hanging out someplace (Tanjong Pagar was my favourite) shooting the breeze with a friend/friends. I’d get home at 11pm sometimes 1am and then sleep and get up for work. Sometimes when I was lazy I’d just text my supervisor to take a sickie.
If you asked me to go out after work now any one of these things must happen or must have happened: 1) somebody is sick at the hospital, 2) somebody died, 3) it is a simple dinner and we will be done by 8pm, 4) if we are not done by 8, it’d better be a Friday! 5) hot guy but it’d better be Friday! 6) a play I am dying to watch
Plus! If I went home at midnight Mondays through Thursdays I would either have to call in sick or dead the next day.
- Not fazed by things
I had a prolonged adolescence so a lot of things bothered me. I did things in my teens and most of my twenties I wouldn’t do now such as 1) delete people off Facebook, 2) banter with people on Facebook over some stupid thing, 3) get upset by Facebook comments, 4) everything Facebook basically.
Now I don’t hang out with people I don’t like. I don’t text them back. I might not even have their number. I don’t follow them on Instagram. I don’t care if they are on my Facebook. I don’t care if they delete me. I don’t care if they throw shade at me and somebody else takes a screenshot to show me. I don’t care if somebody has a problem with somebody else at work unless it directly affects work.. I don’t care if they leave stupid comments on my posts. Sometimes I shoot a witty line when I bother. But most days I don’t.
- Body parts I didn’t know existed hurt
Plus. I now have a good knee and a not-so good knee. Need to take probiotics. Stomach gets upset when I want to be adventurous with food. Sweet things are no longer nice. I hate having dinner. The dentist is suddenly terrifying. Trips to the doctor are not exciting when I get two days MC. I have two days MC? Fuck I’ll just take the meds and maybe one day rest. When I rest I really rest. I switch off my phone. Because headache! I also now have a gynae. I want to change gynae. I haven’t booked appointment. The receptionist at work always asks if it’s time to dial 995 when I complain of abdomen pain. And hand sanitizer. Where has that hand been!
- Later is my favourite word (I lazy to bold this)
I mean okay. All procrastinators like this word. But HEY. I have two days off on weekends right. Maybe I’ll go to the museum. But I have to shower and wear clothes. Lazy! I bought sandpaper to sand my canvas for painting. I’ll do it later. Want to try the Philips Air Fryer. Still in shrink wrap. Lazy! Later need to wash so many things. Want to reinvent myself and be cool. How old was Madonna when she reinvented herself. Later I will google……. I like you and would love to hang out with you. Can we set a date for 2028? When I finally get my ass off the couch?
I am old, whiney, and lazy.